"If she considers him such a paragon, who won't she let him dance with any other girl?"
"She probably thinks he is too good to be true."
A Slipper-y Conscience
"Mother, will you do me one favor?"
"What is it?"
"After this spanking business is all over, please don't say that it hurts you more than it does me."
"It was too much education that landed me here, mum," said the burglar to the visitor at the penitentiary. "I had an assistant who was born and schooled in Boston. One night we had a good second-story job, but he queered the whole thing at the last minute."
"How do you mean?" asked the visitior.
"When I told him to climb up the down spout to get the swag out of the second story, he said, 'I refuse to do anything so paradoxical'; and just then the copper woke up and collared us."
A Tragedy in Tonapah
"How was the man killed?", inquired the coroner, before viewing the body.
"He was shot in a quarrel over a game o' cards, for cheatin'," replied an eye-witness to the tragedy.
"Why, I was told that he committed suicide. I wanted to find out how he did it."
"He did kill himself, but you see…"
"I thought you said it was a quarrel?"
"And so it was. You see, it was this way. Hank was the durndest feller to cheat and fight that ever was. He just naturally couldn't help cheatin' in a game, and he'd fight at the drop of a hat if anyone called him on it or tried to cheat him. He weren't no coward, even though he was a cheat. So when he seen…"
"Whom did he cheat?"
"Himself…he was playing solitaire."
It’s great to be American. Always has been. Enjoy!