When you laugh we smile, because tickling your funny bone is our goal. What better way to stimulate titters than to make fun of the legal system?
JOKES ABOUT THE LEGAL SYSTEM
HE KNEW THE LAW
An old man charged with stealing chickens was arraigned in court and was incriminating himself when the judge said:
"You ought to have a lawyer. Where's your lawyer?"
"Ah ain't got no lawyer, judge," said the old man.
"Very well, then," said his honor, "I'll assign a lawyer to defend you."
"Oh, no, sir; no, sir! Please don't do that!" the man begged.
"Why not?" asked the judge. "It won't cost you anything. Why don't you want a lawyer?"
"Well, judge, I'll tell you, sir," said the old man, waving his tattered old hat confidentially. "It's this way…I want to enjoy them chickens myself.”
DIDN'T SUIT HIM
Tim Casey, a juror, rose suddenly from his seat and hastened to the door of the courtroom. He was prevented, however, from leaving the room, and was sternly questioned by the judge.
"Yes, your honor, I'll explain meself," said the juror. "When Mr. Finn finished his talking me mind was clear all through, but when Mr. Evans begins his talkin' I becomes all confused an' says I to meself, Timotee, I'd better lave at once, an' shtay away until he is done,' because, your honor, to tell the truth, I didn't like the way the argument was going."
A BAY STATE SOLOMON
Unfortunately we've mislaid the judge's name, but his court room is in New Bedford, Mass. Before him appeared a defendant who, hoping for leniency, pleaded, "Judge, I'm down and out."
Whereupon said the wise judge: "You're down but you're not out. Six months."
A HARD KNOCK
During the cross-examination of a young physician in a lawsuit, the plaintiff's lawyer made disagreeable remarks about the witness's youth and inexperience.
"You claim to be acquainted with the various symptoms attending concussion of the brain?" asked the lawyer.
"We will take a concrete case," continued the lawyer. "If my learned friend, counsel for the defense, and myself were to bang our heads together, would he get concussion of the brain?"
The young physician smiled. "The probabilities are," he replied, "that the counsel for the defense would."
HAD HIS RIGHTS
"Why did you strike this man?" asked the Judge sternly.
"He called me a liar, your honor," replied the accused.
"Is that true?" asked the Judge, turning to the man with the mussed-up face.
"Sure, it's true," said the accused, "I called him a liar because he is one, and I can prove it."
"What have you got to say to that?" asked the Judge of the defendant.
"It's got nothing to do with the case, your honor," was the unexpected reply. "Even if I am a liar I guess I've got a right to be sensitive about it, ain't I?"
A judge presiding over a court in Washington, D.C., was administering the oath to a boy of tender years, and to him put the following question:
"Have you ever taken the oath? Do you know how to swear, my boy?"
Whereupon the lad responded: "Yes, sir. I am your caddie at the Chevy Chase Club."