Witty funny sayings and humorous birthday sayings (not especially considerate of centenarians) were included in Josh Billing’s observations---along with jabs, thrusts and (gasp!) niceties.

25 Quotes from Josh Billings

  • About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

  • Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.

  • As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

  • Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.

  • Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.

  • Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.

  • Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

  • Flattery is like cologne water; to be smelt, not swallowed.

  • I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.

  • I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

  • If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.

  • It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.

  • Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

  • Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.

  • Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

  • One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

  • Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.

  • Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

  • The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.

  • The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

  • The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

  • There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.

  • There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.

  • There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

  • Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.

counter easy hit

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