|Witty funny sayings and humorous birthday sayings (not especially considerate of centenarians) were included in Josh Billing’s observations---along with jabs, thrusts and (gasp!) niceties.|
25 Quotes from Josh Billings
- About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
- Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.
- As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
- Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
- Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
- Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.
- Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
- Flattery is like cologne water; to be smelt, not swallowed.
- I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.
- I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
- If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.
- It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
- Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
- Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
- Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
- One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
- Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
- Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
- The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
- The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
- The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
- There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.
- There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
- There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
- Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.
Return to Quotes from Witty Funny Sayings: Josh Billings